Family Law Defense Firm

Serving families throughout the Greater Des Moines area

515.200.7571

We Are Your FAMILY LAW Attorneys

YOU AND ME AINT NOTHING BUT MAMMALS

Three to five percent of the mammalian world is socially monogamous; thus, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the United States divorce rate is around 53% The true surprise lies in how closely monogamous males in the larger animal kingdom parallel certain males in the human race.

Out of the 3-5 % of the monogamous mammalian world, a majority of the species are defined as "facultatively monogamous." This occurs when the male is not fully committed to one female, but chooses to stay with her because there are no other mating options available. These species are known to rarely spend time with their families or care for their children. Some examples of species who are facultatively monogamous are: elephant shrews; grey duikers; pacaranas; and dads who leave their wives and children on the weekends to go drink and play in slow pitch softball tournaments . This species frequently inhabits bowling alleys, golf courses, pool halls, night clubs and pubs. They have also been known to sit in tree stands in camouflage for long periods of time or to place an inordinate amount of importance upon fantasy sports. Physical characteristics include, but are not limited to: thinning hair; excessive amounts of back hair; unibrows; and a midsection that may take on the appearance of a spare tire. Very rare species may possess hair with "frosted tips" and abnormally tan skin. They have the tendency to draw attention to themselves by: wearing sunglasses at night; wearing bedazzled jeans; and wearing Affliction t-shirts. They are frequently spotted driving Victory motorcycles, Chevrolet Camaros, and/or Dodge Chargers. Their mating calls include, but are not limited to: reciting their JV basketball stat lines; loudly boasting about winning their fantasy NASCAR pool the last three years; and bragging about how hot their girlfriend was when they were attending the local community college. Population densities vary with the most highly concentrated areas being: mixed martial arts events; college football tailgates; and "gentlemen's clubs".

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